As far as I can tell, the only thing special about specialists is that they have esSPECIALly long waits. My tests showed no brain damage. My doctor said they examined my head and there was nothing there. I told him I'd rather hear that the test was clear, but I'll accept that.
It means no tumors or dead tissue. It also means that there is proper blood flow to the brain. So now we have to figure out what the problem is. I now have episodes with pretty much any conversation. If I miss one of my medications things get better, but my doctor doesn't want me to stop taking it because it may be making the problem easier to figure out. So I get to stay home indefinately.
I am sure glad that I bought both short term and long term disability. Two months out of work is a lot and the money must keep coming in. Since I can read and write ok, I've changed my minor to computer programming. Specializing in the .NET architecture. I don't know what they means yet. That's why I'm taking the classes. I would like to go back to work, but I simply can't maintain a conversation long enough to be effective. It really sucks.
What do I do? Well, my family has gotten good and "filling in the blanks" for me. My son thinks its funny, which is a bit demoralizing, but he doesn't really understand it. I've noticed that I'm not angry or sad or scared anymore. I'm anxious. This means that I just want answers. I want to know if I will have this problem for the rest of my life. I want to know if it can be fixed. I want to know what the hell it is. On the plus side, at least I don't talk too much anymore.
Have you ever talked with someone in their 80's? Normally they are slow and deliberate in their speech. That is me right now. I have to think through every word. I think that is why I get tired and confused so quickly. It is a lot of effort; like trying to speak in a language that you never quite master. Each word is a struggle.
I learned today that Tamara (a coworker of mine) is moving on to bigger and better things. I might show up next week to say hi. I'm curious if my badge still works, anyway. So if you're reading this at the office, whomever gets the highest amount of apps for Monday gets to raid my prize drawer! Actually I'm going to move them to Matt's desk. Again, proper leveraging.
Well, I have things to do that allow me to pretend to be busy. Bye!