So far this week I've done ok. Over the weekend I kept getting confused while playing cards and had to go very slow whenever my turn came. Everyone noticed, but we all bore it with good humor. It makes me feel a little better that nobody mentions it all the time. My wife has gotten good at filling in the blanks for me and my daughter does the same. I think its a bit funny how quickly we have all adjusted.
Sunday I had a complete lock up of my brain for a few seconds. I was standing in the kitchen and talking with my wife, and suddenly I stopped. I couldn't move or think for a few moments. Then all came back. It was scary. It makes me worry that at some point I will have to ride out the rest of this system of things in that state. I really hope Jehovah allows me to watch Armageddon with comprehension of the event. I'd like to understand and watch the Great Tribulation unfolding. It's like a good novel to me. So far, the Great Author is building momentum and I see several plot lines well on their way to colliding. I would still be happy if I get to watch and understand it all. I will smile while the drool falls down my right mouth ;-)
Another scary event for me this weekend was that I suddenly got a strong headache in the back side of my lower skull, just behind and above my left ear. It went in a line from my left ear to 4 inches back and up. It felt like a series of sledgehammers were hitting the inside of my skull in succession from bottom to top with each successive heartbeat. I took some aspirin and had to wait it out. I also tested my speech and found that I could barely even recite my work scripts. The ones that I use daily. That was Saturday about noonish. I went about 36 hours without anything major except confusion and slowness of thought after that.
My wife says that it only seems to happen when I'm thinking of it. I don't believe so. I can see the coincidence, but I feel it appears that way because that is when I decide to "test" it by attempting things mentally that get blocked. I noticed that stress brings it on real hard.
I am going to start applying for positions at work that are not so fast-paced and allow me the fexibility to be home before 5:30 PM every night. One is a part time position. It is a raise, but on a slow week I'll be broke but on a good week I'll even out. It will also put me into a position to go into jobs that don't require as much verbal communication.
Tom made a helpful comment on one of my recent posts and I really appreciate it. I had every intention of going to the meeting Sunday when I just couldn't wake up mentally. My goal this week is just to attend the public talk on Sunday, and not even worry about wearing a suit or tie. The goal is the association and perhaps speak with brother Hernandez about getting some shepherding calls set up. I am really needing encouragement right now, and since my wife isn't a believer, it is difficult to get the spiritual building up I need.
Wow, I really feel like writing today. My wife has been getting annoyed with me lately. My OCD appears to be under control now (finally!) but as far as I can tell it kicks in during the late afternoon. Plus she's been moody, tired, craving foods, eating more, and eating things she doesn't normally eat. Like Starbuck's Ice Cream, and a few other things that I can't bring to mind right now. I had a mental list a moment ago. I have my suspicions, which to me were confirmed by Jehovah after a prayer about five weeks ago. I guess I'll know soon enough.
I think Sonya is still denying that things are anywhere near where I fear they are. I don't know what to think. I'm just accepting that I get tired easily while talking (not consistently, but it happens). It really helps to talk with my eyes closed. I don't get as mentally tired. Of course, it could simply be that I've been talking to a six-year-old a lot lately :-).
Conner was asking me to explain who Jehovah and Jesus are and how the holy spirit relates to them. He is becomming very spiritually minded. He is grasping some rather advanced concepts. Things that I don't often see adults even willing to consider let alone understand. I think that he is at the very least on the high end of...........just had my Wall hit me. I think Conner is just below the genius level personally, and that his ADD and (I believe he also has OCD) are throwing test results off. He has detailed memories of events in his life going back to about 24 months. He also seems to be hitting the next level on the chess board, because I only help him when I'm showing him a new strategy. He immediately "gets" it and starts adjusting it. I have lost several games as he quickly exploited a mistake that he encouraged me to make.
It is frustrating to me that I cannot work. I don't think I could work 40 hours right now, and I need to make a decision by Friday. If I stay on FMLA leave, my disability insurance kicks in once I file a claim. Yet I want to work. I like what I do. I might stop by today to say hello. I want to see how I feel while there.
I'm going to do some homework now. I'm almost done with my Rio Classes until November. Let's see what I can finish today :-) I am going to post a one minute documentary that my daughter, Brooke, narrated for me. I am not sure if it will finish it anytime soon, it was just to fill in a bit of empty space on a DVD, but she sounds real good on it, especially for someone who was reading the script the first time.